chaos-by-gerard-nolst-trenite.html
+++
author = "LuisGC"
title = "The Chaos by Gerard Nolst Trenité"
date = "2012-01-13"
type = "post"
categories = ["post"]
tags = ["outreach", "literature", "art", "culture"]
status = "published"
[[images]]
src = "/img/2012/01/english-words.png"
alt = "English words"
+++
<p>I've discovered <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/Monigliani/status/155604299022483456">through my dear friend Mónica</a> a wonderful poem called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaos"><b>The Chaos</b></a>. I'm talking about between 146 and 274 funny and well thought verses (depending on the version) about English spelling and pronunciation singularities written by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerard_Nolst_Trenit%C3%A9"><b>Gerard Nolst Trenité</b></a> which appeared for the first time in 1920.</p>
<p>I recommend as a splendid exercise that you attempt to read the entire poem aloud (aloud or do not try!). Everyone will get it wrong at some point for sure, but I hope you'll find it fun, challenging and educational. Hint! There is a <a href="http://www.madore.org/~david/misc/english-pronunciation.html">partial phonetic version of The Chaos poem</a> (both in English and American pronuntiation).</p>
<p>I'm delighted to share with you a 1993-94 version from <a href="http://www.spellingsociety.org/journals/j17/caos.php"><b>The English Spelling Society</b></a>, the most complete version. As a standard practice, words whose spelling can lead to mispronunciation are shown in bold.<br><br></p>
<div class="excerpt">
Dearest
<b>creature</b> in
<b>creation</b>
<br>Studying English
<b>pronunciation</b>,
<br>I will teach you in my
<b>verse</b>
<br>
<br>Sounds like
<b>corpse, corps, horse</b> and
<b>worse</b>.
<br>I will keep you,
<b>Susy, busy</b>,
<br>Make your
<b>head</b> with
<b>heat</b> grow dizzy;
<br>
<br>
<b>Tear</b> in eye, your dress you'll
<b>tear</b>;
<br>
<b>Queer</b>, fair
<b>seer, hear</b> my
<b>prayer</b>.
<br>
<b>Pray</b>, console your loving
<b>poet</b>,
<br>
<br>Make my coat look
<b>new</b>, dear,
<b>sew it</b>! 10
<br>Just compare
<b>heart, hear</b> and
<b>heard</b>,
<br>
<b>Dies</b> and
<b>diet, lord</b> and
<b>word</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Sword</b> and
<b>sward, retain</b> and
<b>Britain</b>
<br>(Mind the latter how it's
<b>written</b>).
<br>
<b>Made</b> has not the sound of
<b>bade</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Say - said, pay - paid, laid</b> but
<b>plaid</b>.
<br>Now I surely will not
<b>plague you</b>
<br>With such words as
<b>vague</b> and
<b>ague</b>,
<br>
<br>But be careful how you
<b>speak</b>,
<br>Say:
<b>gush, bush, steak, streak</b>,
<b>break, bleak</b>, 20
<br>
<b>Previous, precious, fuchsia, via</b>
<br>
<b>Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;</b>
<br>
<b>Woven, oven, how</b> and
<b>low</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Script, receipt, shoe, poem</b>,
<b>toe</b>.
<br>Say, expecting fraud and
<b>trickery</b>:
<br>
<b>Daughter, laughter</b> and
<b>Terpsichore</b>,
<br>
<b>Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles</b>,
<br>
<b>Missiles, similes, reviles</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Wholly, holly, signal, signing</b>,
<br>
<b>Same, examining</b>, but
<b>mining</b>, 30
<br>
<b>Scholar, vicar</b>, and
<b>cigar</b>,
<br>
<b>Solar, mica, war</b> and
<b>far</b>.
<br>
<br>From "desire":
<b>desirable - admirable</b> from "admire",
<br>
<b>Lumber, plumber, bier</b>, but
<b>brier</b>,
<br>
<b>Topsham, brougham, renown</b>, but
<b>known</b>,
<br>
<b>Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>One, anemone, Balmoral</b>,
<br>
<b>Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel</b>.
<br>
<b>Gertrude, German, wind</b> and
<b>wind</b>,
<br>
<b>Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind</b>, 40
<br>
<br>
<b>Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather</b>,
<br>
<b>Reading, Reading, heathen, heather</b>.
<br>This phonetic labyrinth
<br>Gives
<b>moss, gross, brook, brooch</b>,
<b>ninth, plinth</b>.
<br>Have you ever yet
<b>endeavoured</b>
<br>
<br>To pronounce
<b>revered</b> and
<b>severed</b>,
<br>
<b>Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul</b>,
<br>
<b>Peter, petrol</b> and
<b>patrol</b>?
<br>
<br>
<b>Billet</b> does not end like
<b>ballet</b>;
<br>
<b>Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet</b>. 50
<br>
<b>Blood</b> and
<b>flood</b> are not like
<b>food</b>,
<br>
<br>Nor is
<b>mould</b> like
<b>should</b> and
<b>would</b>.
<br>
<b>Banquet</b> is not nearly
<b>parquet</b>,
<br>
<br>Which exactly rhymes with
<b>khaki</b>.
<br>
<b>Discount, viscount, load</b> and
<b>broad</b>,
<br>
<b>Toward</b>, to
<b>forward</b>, to
<b>reward</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Ricocheted</b> and
<b>crocheting, croquet</b>?
<br>Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
<br>
<b>Rounded, wounded, grieve</b> and
<b>sieve</b>,
<br>
<b>Friend</b> and
<b>fiend, alive</b> and
<b>live</b>. 60
<br>
<br>Is your R correct in
<b>higher</b>?
<br>Keats asserts it rhymes with
<b>Thalia</b>.
<br>
<b>Hugh</b>, but
<b>hug</b>, and
<b>hood</b>, but
<b>hoot</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Buoyant, minute</b>, but
<b>minute</b>.
<br>Say
<b>abscission</b> with
<b>precision</b>,
<br>Now:
<b>position</b> and
<b>transition</b>;
<br>
<br>Would it tally with my
<b>rhyme</b>
<br>If I mentioned
<b>paradigm</b>?
<br>
<b>Twopence, threepence, tease</b> are
<b>easy</b>,
<br>But
<b> cease, crease, grease</b> and
<b>greasy</b>? 70
<br>
<br>
<b>Cornice, nice, valise, revise</b>,
<br>
<b>Rabies,</b> but
<b>lullabies</b>.
<br>Of such puzzling words as
<b>nauseous</b>,
<br>Rhyming well with
<b>cautious, tortious</b>,
<br>
<br>You'll
<b>envelop</b> lists, I hope,
<br>In a linen
<b>envelope</b>.
<br>Would you like some more? You'll
<b>have</b> it!
<br>
<b>Affidavit, David, davit</b>.
<br> To
<b>abjure</b>, to
<b>perjure. Sheik</b>
<br>
<br>Does not sound like
<b>Czech</b> but
<b>ache</b>. 80
<br>
<b>Liberty, library, heave</b> and
<b>heaven</b>,
<br>
<b>Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven</b>.
<br>
<br>We say
<b>hallowed</b>, but
<b>allowed</b>,
<br>
<b>People, leopard, towed</b> but
<b>vowed</b>.
<br>Mark the difference, moreover,
<br>Between
<b>mover, plover, Dover</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Leeches, breeches, wise, precise</b>,
<br>
<b>Chalice</b>, but
<b>police</b> and
<b>lice</b>,
<br>
<b>Camel, constable, unstable</b>,
<br>
<b>Principle, disciple, label</b>. 90
<br>
<br>
<b>Petal, penal</b>, and
<b>canal</b>,
<br>
<b>Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal</b>,
<br>
<b>Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit</b>
<br>Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
<br>
<br>But it is not hard to tell
<br>Why it's
<b>pall, mall</b>, but
<b>Pall Mall</b>.
<br>
<b>Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron</b>,
<br>
<b>Timber, climber, bullion, lion</b>,
<br>
<b>Worm</b> and
<b>storm, chaise, chaos, chair</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Senator, spectator, mayor</b>, 100
<br>
<b>Ivy, privy, famous; clamour</b>
<br>Has the A of
<b>drachm</b> and
<b>hammer</b>.
<br>
<b>Pussy, hussy</b> and
<b>possess</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Desert</b>, but
<b>desert, address</b>.
<br>
<b>Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants</b>
<br>Hoist in
<b>lieu</b> of flags
<b>left pennants</b>.
<br>
<b>Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Cow</b>, but
<b>Cowper, some</b> and
<b>home</b>.
<br>"
<b>Solder, soldier</b>! Blood is
<b>thicker</b>",
<br>Quoth he, "than
<b>liqueur</b> or
<b>liquor</b>", 110
<br>
<br>Making, it is sad but
<b>true</b>,
<br>In bravado, much
<b>ado</b>.
<br>
<b>Stranger</b> does not rhyme with
<b>anger</b>,
<br>Neither does
<b>devour</b> with
<b>clangour</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Pilot, pivot, gaunt</b>, but
<b>aunt</b>,
<br>
<b>Font, front, wont, want, grand</b> and
<b>grant</b>.
<br>
<b>Arsenic, specific, scenic</b>,
<br>
<b>Relic, rhetoric, hygienic</b>.
<br>
<b>Gooseberry, goose</b>, and
<b>close</b>, but
<b>close</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Paradise, rise, rose</b>, and
<b>dose</b>. 120
<br>Say
<b>inveigh, neigh</b>, but
<b>inveigle</b>,
<br>Make the latter rhyme with
<b>eagle</b>.
<br>
<b>Mind! Meandering</b> but
<b>mean</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Valentine</b> and
<b>magazine</b>.
<br>And I bet you, dear, a
<b>penny</b>,
<br>You say
<b>mani</b>-(fold) like
<b>many</b>,
<br>
<br>Which is wrong. Say
<b>rapier, pier</b>,
<br>
<b>Tier</b> (one who ties), but
<b>tier</b>.
<br>
<b>Arch, archangel</b>; pray, does
<b>erring</b>
<br>Rhyme with
<b>herring</b> or with
<b>stirring</b>? 130
<br>
<br>
<b>Prison, bison, treasure trove</b>,
<br>
<b>Treason, hover, cover, cove</b>,
<br>
<b>Perseverance, severance. Ribald</b>
<br>Rhymes (but
<b>piebald</b> doesn't) with
<b>nibbled</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,</b>
<br>
<b>Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw</b>.
<br>Don't be
<b>down</b>, my
<b>own</b>, but
<b>rough it</b>,
<br>And distinguish
<b>buffet, buffet</b>;
<br>
<br>
<b>Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,</b>
<br>Worcester, Boleyn, to
<b>impugn</b>. 140
<br>Say in sounds correct and
<b>sterling</b>
<br>
<b>Hearse, hear, hearken, year</b> and
<b>yearling</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Evil, devil, mezzotint,</b>
<br>Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)
<br>Now you need not pay attention
<br>To such sounds as I don't mention,
<br>Sounds like
<b>pores, pause, pours</b> and
<b>paws</b>,
<br>
<br>Rhyming with the pronoun
<b>yours</b>;
<br>Nor are proper names
<b>included</b>,
<br>Though I often heard, as
<b>you did</b>, 150
<br>Funny rhymes to
<b>unicorn</b>,
<br>
<br>Yes, you know them,
<b>Vaughan</b> and
<b>Strachan</b>.
<br>No, my maiden, coy and
<b>comely</b>,
<br>I don't want to speak of
<b>Cholmondeley</b>.
<br>No. Yet
<b>Froude</b> compared with
<b>proud</b>
<br>
<br>Is no better than
<b>McLeod</b>.
<br>But mind
<b>trivial</b> and
<b>vial</b>,
<br>
<b>Tripod, menial, denial</b>,
<br>
<b>Troll</b> and
<b>trolley, realm</b> and
<b>ream</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Schedule, mischief, schism</b>, and
<b>scheme</b>. 160
<br>
<b>Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely</b>
<br>May be made to rhyme with
<b>Raleigh</b>,
<br>But you're not supposed to say
<br>
<b>Piquet</b> rhymes with
<b>sobriquet</b>.
<br>
<br>Had this
<b>invalid invalid</b>
<br>Worthless documents? How
<b>pallid</b>,
<br>How
<b>uncouth</b> he,
<b>couchant</b>, looked,
<br>When for
<b>Portsmouth</b> I had booked!
<br>
<br>
<b>Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite</b>,
<br>
<b>Paramour, enamoured, flighty</b>, 170
<br>
<b>Episodes, antipodes</b>,
<br>
<b>Acquiesce</b>, and
<b>obsequies</b>.
<br>Please don't monkey with the
<b>geyser</b>,
<br>
<br>Don't peel 'taters with my
<b>razor</b>,
<br>Rather say in accents pure:
<br>
<b>Nature, stature</b> and
<b>mature</b>.
<br>
<b>Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly</b>,
<br>
<b>Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan</b>,
<br>
<b>Wan, sedan</b> and
<b>artisan</b>. 180
<br>The TH will surely
<b>trouble you</b>
<br>
<br>More than R, CH or W.
<br>Say then these phonetic
<b>gems</b>:
<br>
<b>Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.</b>
<br>
<b>Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,</b>
<br>There are more but I
<b>forget 'em</b> -
<br>
<br>Wait! I've got it:
<b>Anthony</b>,
<br>Lighten your anxiety.
<br>The archaic word
<b>albeit</b>
<br>Does not rhyme with
<b>eight</b> - you
<b>see it</b>; 190
<br>
<br>
<b>With</b> and
<b>forthwith</b>, one has voice,
<br>One has not, you make your choice.
<br>
<b>Shoes, goes, does</b>
<a href="#ref">[1]</a>. Now first say:
<b>finger</b>;
<br>
<br>Then say:
<b>singer, ginger, linger</b>.
<br>
<b>Real, zeal, mauve, gauze</b> and
<b>gauge</b>,
<br>
<b>Marriage, foliage, mirage, age</b>,
<br>
<b>Hero, heron, query, very</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Parry, tarry, fury, bury,</b>
<br>
<b>Dost, lost, post</b>, and
<b>doth, cloth, loth</b>,
<br>
<b>Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath</b>. 200
<br>
<b>Faugh, oppugnant</b>, keen
<b>oppugners</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Bowing, bowing</b>, banjo-
<b>tuners</b>
<br>
<b>Holm</b> you know, but
<b>noes, canoes</b>,
<br>
<b>Puisne, truism, use</b>, to
<b>use</b>?
<br>
<br>Though the difference seems
<b>little</b>,
<br>We say
<b>actual</b>, but
<b>victual</b>,
<br>
<b>Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height</b>,
<br>
<b>Put, nut, granite</b>, and
<b>unite</b>
<br>
<br>
<b>Reefer</b> does not rhyme with
<b>deafer</b>,
<br>
<b>Feoffer</b> does, and
<b>zephyr, heifer</b>. 210
<br>
<b>Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late</b>,
<br>
<b>Hint, pint, senate</b>, but
<b>sedate</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Gaelic, Arabic, pacific</b>,
<br>
<b>Science, conscience, scientific</b>;
<br>
<b>Tour</b>, but
<b>our, dour, succour, four</b>,
<br>
<b>Gas, alas</b>, and
<b>Arkansas</b>.
<br>
<br>Say
<b>manoeuvre, yacht</b> and
<b>vomit</b>,
<br>Next
<b>omit</b>, which differs from it
<br>
<b>Bona fide, alibi</b>
<br>
<b>Gyrate, dowry</b> and
<b>awry</b>. 220
<br>
<br>
<b>Sea, idea, guinea, area</b>,
<br>
<b>Psalm, Maria</b>, but
<b>malaria</b>.
<br>
<b>Youth, south, southern, cleanse</b> and
<b>clean</b>,
<br>
<b>Doctrine, turpentine, marine</b>.
<br>
<br>Compare
<b>alien</b> with
<b>Italian</b>,
<br>
<b>Dandelion</b> with
<b>battalion</b>,
<br>
<b>Rally</b> with
<b>ally; yea, ye</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay</b>!
<br>Say
<b>aver</b>, but
<b>ever, fever</b>,
<br>
<b>Neither, leisure, skein, receiver</b>. 230
<br>Never guess - it is not
<b>safe</b>,
<br>
<br>We say
<b>calves, valves, half</b>, but
<b>Ralf</b>.
<br>
<b>Starry, granary, canary</b>,
<br>
<b>Crevice</b>, but
<b>device</b>, and
<b>eyrie</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Face</b>, but
<b>preface</b>, then
<b>grimace</b>,
<br>
<b>Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass</b>.
<br>
<b>Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging</b>,
<br>
<b>Ought, oust, joust</b>, and
<b>scour</b>, but
<b>scourging</b>;
<br>
<br>
<b>Ear</b>, but
<b>earn</b>; and
<b>ere</b> and
<b>tear</b>
<br>Do not rhyme with
<b>here</b> but
<b>heir</b>. 240
<br>
<br>Mind the O of
<b>off</b> and
<b>often</b>
<br>Which may be pronounced as
<b>orphan</b>,
<br>With the sound of
<b>saw</b> and
<b>sauce</b>;
<br>
<br>Also
<b>soft, lost, cloth</b> and
<b>cross</b>.
<br>
<b>Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting</b>?
<br>Yes: at golf it rhymes with
<b>shutting</b>.
<br>
<b>Respite, spite, consent, resent</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Liable</b>, but
<b>Parliament</b>.
<br>
<b>Seven</b> is right, but so is
<b>even</b>,
<br>
<b>Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen</b>, 250
<br>
<b>Monkey, donkey, clerk</b> and
<b>jerk</b>,
<br>
<br>
<b>Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work</b>.
<br>A of
<b>valour, vapid, vapour,</b>
<br>S of
<b>news</b> (compare
<b>newspaper</b>),
<br> G of
<b>gibbet, gibbon, gist,</b>
<br>
<br>I of
<b>antichrist</b> and
<b>grist</b>,
<br>Differ like
<b>diverse</b> and
<b>divers</b>,
<br>
<b>Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers</b>.
<br>
<br>
<b>Once</b>, but
<b>nonce, toll, doll</b>, but
<b>roll</b>,
<br>
<b>Polish, Polish, poll </b>and
<b>poll</b>. 260
<br>Pronunciation - think of
<b>Psyche</b>! -
<br>
<br>Is a paling, stout and
<b>spiky</b>.
<br>Won't it make you lose your
<b>wits</b>
<br>Writing
<b>groats</b> and saying 'grits'?
<br>It's a dark
<b>abyss</b> or
<b>tunnel</b>
<br>
<br>Strewn with stones like
<b>rowlock, gunwale</b>,
<br>
<b>Islington</b>, and
<b>Isle</b> of
<b>Wight</b>,
<br>
<b>Housewife, verdict</b> and
<b>indict</b>.
<br>
<br>Don't you think so, reader,
<b>rather</b>,
<br>Saying
<b>lather, bather, father</b>? 270
<br>Finally, which rhymes with
<b>enough</b>,
<br>
<b>Though, through, bough, cough</b>,
<b>hough, sough, tough</b>??
<br>
<br>
<b>Hiccough</b> has the sound of
<b>sup</b>...
<br>My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
<br>
<br>
<a name="ref">[1]</a> No, you're wrong. This is the plural of
<b>doe</b>.
</div>
